Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Random Me
Check out my new video blog. It is so random. You'll love it. I dont know why my words are running behind. Sorry about that.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
South Africa Still Tickles
My trip to South Africa last year was something that I will never forget. I can still remember the smell of its nature, the smiles on the faces of the children, the beautiful majestic scenery, and the movement of a higher spirit that was sovereign and beautiful. I cannot come up with the words or phrases to truly describe my experience. Therefore, I created a video blog that I hope can give insight to what I truly witnessed. South Africa definitley "Tickles My Fancy".
Thursday, April 21, 2011
LET'S GET NAKED!!!
“The ego’s sense of self-worth is in most cases bound up with the worth you have in the eyes of others. You need others to give you a sense of self, and if you live in a culture that to a large extent equates self-worth with how much and what you have, if you cannot look through this collective delusion, you will be condemned to chasing after things for the rest of your life in the vain hope of finding your worth and completion of your sense of self there” (Tolle, p.45).
I am reading this book called “A New Earth: Finding Your Life’s Purpose” by Ekart Tolle, and it addresses how we, as humans, have an ego and are largely affected by our ego and how it is has blinded us to not be able to actually see and explore the beauty of life. Now I have also read books by Dwayne Dyer and he shares some of the similar concepts as Tolle and until I read this book by Tolle, it has exposed me to so many things that I do unconsciously that is heavily impacting my pleasure of life. Let me share!
Let’s keep this quote in mind for a second. I want you to ask yourself the question, “Who am I”? Now as you think about this in more detail, I want you to take note as to how you are describing yourself because I am sure there are a million ideas coming to mind. Are you a hardworking businessman, a single mother, a radical politician, a Democrat, a Republic, an atheist, a Jew, a Gentile, a strong African American woman, a real “nigga” or whatever, take a second and really think about what these identities mean.
Now, I can take a part any of these identities and give them my own definition and then you tell me if that is what you mean by how you describe yourself. For instance, if you describe yourself as a strong African American woman, my mind may tell me that you are stubborn; a bitch, strong willed, pig headed, and have natural hair. Also, a woman who wants a partner to have a 720 credit score, two degrees, no kids, wears a 3 piece suit to work, opens the door for you in all cases, bends over backwards for you with you doing the same, bring home 6 figures, and if you are apart of a sorority, an Alpha, Kappa, or Omega Man, drives a certain type of car and a multitude of other things as well.
Now, if you are someone who describes yourself as a “real nigga”, in my mind you may be lazy, ignorant, uneducated, have 5 kids by 6 different women (yes that is right), no car, stay at home with your mom, no credit, no job, wears white tees, thinks Lil Bootsie and Gucci Mane are the best rappers of all time, gold teeth, no game, no plans, no passion, no aim, may have sold drugs, mad that Obama has not given out reparations, no accountability, everything is everyone else’s fault, society is to blame, and the list can go. If I have offended anyone; you are starting to understand my point.
These descriptors or ideas that we use to describe ourselves or the paradigm in which we CHOOSE to adopt to look at life or ourselves through changes over time because they are created and changed by man. In addition, how we see ourselves is the window in which we see our life. Now 40 or 60 years ago, if you were to call yourself a “nigga” (nigga or Negro it’s all the same to me) your were oppressed, a nuisance to society, or unworthy of any natural rights. Prior to that it was a term used to describe you if you were of any African descent and now, according to Jay-Z, it is a term of endearment and a form of communication as he states, “It's just become part of the way we communicate. My generation hasn't had the same experience with that word that generations of people before us had. We weren't so close to the pain. So in our way, we disarmed the word. We took the fire pin out of the grenade." Definitions and meaning to things change, does that mean that we have to? Identities never are consistent, which means we are always changing and adapting to standards that are no of God’s intent.
Now, because how I define someone’s “identity” does not mean that is how they see themselves, but we don’t know how to just “BE”. Those descriptions I said earlier is not who that person is. We don’t know. We have aligned our very existence of who we are by societal and family standards. The world’s version of beauty is someone that has Eurocentric features and has the perfect measurements of 26, 34, 26. Beyonce is gorgeous and the definition of beauty, to most people, but Gabrielle Sidibe is butt ugly. Wearing Indian hair on your head is more appropriate than wearing your hair natural. We have adopted these ideas and standards for ourselves and have molded our identities according to that. But by whom?
Some of our identities are interdependent on a having a significant other. Some men and women can’t stand the sight of their own picture if a man or a woman is not included in it. Why? I think that is the story or the mental attitude that we have accepted. You are nothing if you don’t have a family, you are inadequate if you don’t live this certain type of lifestyle, you are doomed to be alone if you are unmarried by the age of 30, we are suppose to have this and that and life is SUPPOSE to be all of these things, but where did that come from? I know that is the world we live in, but my friends the world we live in will one day pass away and then what? Who are we then? God does not see the makeup of man, but only the man himself.
So here is my challenge, to you all that are reading and myself, I challenge that you look at you as who you are without what you pretend or think you want to be. Whenever you meet someone or if you have an idea of who someone is to let that go and see who the person truly is. Now, this all sounds cliché and very simple yet it isn’t. In Tolle’s book he says, “How you are seen by others, turn into how you see yourself.” You neither may or may nor agree with that statement, but how invigorating would it be to be released from unnecessary depictions of whom we are and become unteethered to others opinions? How I apply this to myself is I do not set any expectations for anyone that I may meet or expectations for myself in any of my relationships. In my friendships or any relationships that I have with others, people need to understand that I am a human being. I am going to slip up and say things that may be inappropriate at times, I am going to probably make you really mad or just do or say something really stupid, which is in my nature. I accept that I am imperfect in so many ways but in everyway perfect the way God has created me. But that is the point; being perfect in everyway GOD has created me, not society.
My last two points of reference in his book Tolle says, “If you take away one kind of identification, the ego will quickly find another. It ultimately doesn’t mind what it identifies with as long as it has an identity” (Tolle, p.44). If you identify yourself as anything that I have said earlier in this message or anything that I may not have said, I encourage you to let it go and just “be” and you will actual be in a place where your relationships are genuine, you are setting no false expectations, you are not abiding by a shape that you have to fit yourself into, you just are. When we cling to things that determine our identity nothing is ever enough. Everything turns into our story, me, I, not enough, but I don’t have, why does she or he have but I don’t, why cant I do that, and it is always interchanging depending on what the situation is, and we will always be in this battle of always being inadequate and never reaching our full potential and never get to see the bigger picture. “As long as you don’t recognize those thought forms within yourself, as long as they remain unconscious, you will believe in what they say; you will be condemned to acting out those unconscious thoughts, condemned to speaking and no finding- because when those thought forms operate, no possession, place, person, or condition will ever satisfy you. No content will satisfy you, as long as the egoic structure remains in place. No matter what you have or get, you won’t be happy. You will always be looking for something else that promises greater fulfillment, that promises to make your incomplete sense of self complete and fill that sense of lack you feel within” (Tolle, p.48). Be naked. Unclothe yourself with the fabric that was given to you that is from the identity of someone else. Just be you. LET GO! FOLLOWING MY BLOG IS A GOOD STARTJ!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
My First Blog!
OMG!!! I finally got my blog going. I can't explain how excited I really am about this. For those of you who know me, my mind is so random and I am constantly thinking and day dreaming about stuff and I think that this blog is going to help me with that. Let's call it multimedia journaling or you can all me an African American version of Carrie Bradshaw from "Sex and The City" (my ultimate favorite TV show). Well I thought that I would start my first blog by responding to this random survey that I found that can get you guys introduced to who I am. Also, this is my blog and I will not always be typing in proper grammar usage, please do not judge or correct me...lol.
What’s your favorite food and color? Even though I know longer eat red meat, I love Philly Cheesesteaks and my favorite color is hot pink and indigo (a pretty blue for those who don't know their colors. Don't worry, we there will be a blog on numbers tomorrow..lol)
Do you have a hobby? If so, what is it? A hobby means that you do it often and you find fulfillment in it. So I don't know if I have a hobby. There are many things that I like. But nothing that I do consistently.
How would you describe your personality? Oh boy! Crazy, goofy, inappropriate (at times), classy, shy (yes I am), funny, weird, interesting, the list can go on forever.
What are you passionate about? Saving children who are in abusive homes. That is something that really burns me up like nothing else. I have contemplated several times quitting my job, selling everything I have, and go and do God's work. It's a prayer in progress.
What are your strengths? Hmm...I am so flaud in so many ways that I don't even know. So one thing that I will give myself is if I say I'm going to do something, most of the time I do it. Or if I tell someone else that I am going to do something, I will for sure do it. I am pretty good communicator for the most part (I better, I spent thousands of dollars to study the subject). What else guys?
What are your weaknesses? Whoa! Is it sad that I can give dozens of flaws than strengths immediatley? I don't cut myself any slack....EVER. I am very...VERY hard on myself. Sometimes its even hard for me to take a compiment. Recognition makes me uncomfortable because I feel that I could always do better. I would rather be recognized 1:1 rather than in a large setting. There are so many, but I will give those for now.
Who do you admire? Women. I admire any single woman who are raising a family alone, have a career, and still trying to make a life for themselves (Angel and Murray you guys are my hero's). I admire any man who goes against the grain and do something that not every man does. When a man chooses to go to do community service or missionary work versus hanging out with their boys, that is attractive.
What do you value? HONESTY! The truth hurts like crazy, but being honest upfront is so much better than lieing and hiding things from people. Men, I would rather you to be a jerk up front, rather than to try not to hurt my feelings. That is an insult to all women! To think that we immediatley place you on a pedestal of "never do wrong" and assume that we will be broken because you don't want us or what we want is just not cool. I will most certainly be a bitch to you upfront about my feelings rather than give you mixed signals. But I know how to communicate that in a tone without it come off demeaning ( I think).
What are your beliefs? I believe in a Higher Power. I am not a relgious person, but consider myself more spiritual than anything. You will never hear me call myself a Christian because there are so many definitions to that. So I am a lover of a Higher Spirit and believe that he or she is everwhere. I try to circle my life around that belief and live through it. I believe in redemption. We all have done things that we are not proud of, but God is the true redemer and we all need it sometimes. I believe in love.
What would you like to improve in your life? My life.
What are your long-term goals? I don't believe in goals necessarily, because I think that they are limitations. Just know what you want and go beyond it.
What do you like about yourself? I LOVE MY BUTT (LMAO). All of my friends are rolling their eyes. I think I am a very compassionate and understanding person. I can be very objective, even if I don't agree, I always try to understand the point that an opposing side is trying to get across.
What do I dislike about myself? I can be a *itch, seriously, I can be "funny acting" for no reason ( I really do not like that), I can be judgemental, sometimes I don't like when people have something better than me (that depends though, not in all cases). I am really working on all of this. I truly do not like it, one bit.
What are my priorities? Getting and staying right with the lawd, my career, my friends, my God babies and my nephew, my family, and paying off my student loans as quickly as possible.
Do you have a good relationship with your family? I think so. It could always be better.
What is your purpose? I don't know. Is'nt that exciting?!
If you had only 6 months to live, what would you do? EAT AND TRAVEL!!! Spend time with my family and friends, but especially with De'Asia, LaRyn, Lil John, and my Jaylen.
The last question…. If there is one word to describe your entire self, what would that be? OPEN.
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