Beauty Pressure

This is a good commericial by Dove. Watch it!

Damn Girl Your Fine!

So, I woke up one morning and proceeded with my morning regimen: go to the restroom, put my shower cap on, take my shower, watch Chakra (my dog) lick my feet, dry off, wash my face, brush my teeth, sit on my balancing ball in my walk in closet and stare at my clothes trying to determine what to wear for the day while rubbing Jergens Cherry-Almond lotion on my arms, pick out my clothes, put them on, yell at Charka for bothering Baby (my other dog), and  yadda yadda yadda. Except on this very morning that I am referring to, I had such a disgusting thought that even typing it out makes me angry, I stared at myself in the mirror, gut hanging, cottage cheese thighs showing, dark spots on my face exposed, uneven and some dirty fingernails, flabby arms hanging, my neck is unusually darker than the rest of my body (happened with the baby), one ankle fatter than the other (I have lymphedema in my left ankle. No its nothing bad), toe nail polish half chipped away, facial hair trying to break through, dimples in areas that I didn’t know existed, stretchmark’s the size of railroad tracks and as I am noticing more flaws on my body than positive traits on my own personality, I thought, “What man would ever want this”? AM I LOSING MY MIND OR WHAT?!! I acted as if the reflection in the mirror was someone else and took great offense to to what they were showing me. “Who does she think she is?” I thought. But as I settled back down to my normal self, the one typing this blog, I realized that there is some truth in what my reflection was communicating to me.

The other day, I started “Googling”  women who we all define as beautiful such as Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez,  Zoe Saldana, Natalie Portman, Sophia Vergara, Selita Ebanks, and several others and remembered that reflection that I saw in the mirror and became somewhat disgusted with myself again. And again, I snapped out if it and thought that those women are all lies that most women have adopted as the standard of beauty. But the one most mind boggling idea that drove me nuts is that we conform to these ideas and place them on ourselves to please a man or try to catch a man. Think about it. If you feel that you are not skinny enough, your stomach is not flat enough, your ass is too big (mine isn’t big enough), your hips are too flabby, your skin is to blotchy, your hair is too thin and not long enough, or whatever, where does that standard of beauty come from? Where in this life did we apply a manmade thought of beauty as our identity? Watch this clip from one of my favorite movies, Eat, Pray, Love. She sums it up very well.

I am a single woman. I have been single for almost a year now. And there is a problem when I start dressing up to go to the grocery store because “the one”, which I don’t even know if I believe in, may be there. Or I have to always be groomed to perfection because I never know who I might run into. And the crazy thing is, MOST MEN DON’T EVEN GIVE A CRAP. They don’t care what they look like or are wearing. They don't even care what we look like underneath our clothes as long as they are getting what is underneath our clothes. So why do we ,women, apply the pressure to ourselves? I have a friend who never goes anywhere without wearing earrings and lipstick. Why? I use to know a woman who would wear earrings and do her hair before she goes the gym. Really? And I knew another person who had to have matching workout outfits and also be physically well presented before taking a run. For what?  They do all of these things, sure to look good for themselves, but also because they never knew what man they were going to meet. Think about the tortuous beauty rituals that we put ourselves through because "we might meet our husbands”, which I am guilty of stating. But I think that women have become so desensitized to this Eurocentric ideal of beauty and have become so entrenched that we are unable to be genuine with ourselves and others. 

In the very first blog that I wrote, my main message spoke to how perceptions of how we think things are suppose to be or our perceptions of others gets in the way of seeing that person and things for who and what they really are. Our image of beauty is no exception. We have all had our lists of physical characteristics that we look for in a mate. I know I have. Now think about where those preferences came from. No matter where they've come from, that relationship is already less than genuine because you can't see past your own personal standards or idealistic views of beauty. And perception of beauty individually also disallows you to see the true beauty that God has created in you (I really need to follow my own advice). If you are a believer, imagine if God had His own standards that He'd abide by and if you did not automatically meet those standards, then you were automatically dismissed. Don't get me wrong I know that there are some do's and don'ts that God shapes us by but it doesn't mean that you have to already be there to earn his love and acceptance. That is why He grants us grace and mercy. If your image of God is this "matter of fact", cut throat, do these steps so that I can accept you type of supernatural being, then that relationship is not genuine. So friends, wipe away the perceptions and try to see the person as God's creation. You just might find beauty in it. Not how flat your stomach is, how much you weigh, how clear your skin is, how flabby your arms are, or anything else in your physical appearance determines your beauty, but who you are, definitely "Tickles My Fancy". 

Green Tea "Matcha" Cupcakes

So, for those of you that don't know I really enjoy cooking and baking. It is not something I can do everyday but I do find fulfillment in baking and cooking new things. I have quite a few dinner parties where I invite some of my "gal pals" over and cook for them or I take things to work just because. Well I came across green tea cupcakes and became immediately curious. So, I looked up a recipe to bake them myself and I must say...they were AAAMMMMAAAAZZZIIING! I wanted to share my wealth of knowledge with all of you so I posted the recipe and some pictures of the process along the way for those who like visual effects when cooking something new to make sure that you are doing it right, like myself. Enjoy! 


Ingredients

• 24 cupcake papers or 1/2 sheet pan / 350 degree oven
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 cups sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons matcha tea

Process

1. Beat unsalted butter until soft, for about 30 seconds.

2. Add sugar and beat until butter and sugar are well blended and fluffy, about 3 minutes. 

3. Add eggs and egg yolks one at a time and beat for 30 seconds each. 

3. Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl and add batter to mix well. 

TIP: Whisking helps prevents large clumps from forming in your batter. 

4. Mix Matcha with milk (I use soy milk) and combine.

Fact: Matcha is a finely-milled and ground green tea, which is most popular in Japan. Matcha is used for making green tea ice cream and other green tea inspired recipes. 

Tip: You can buy a bag of Matcha this size from Jungle Jim's. You can also add it to smoothies. It is very high in protein. 

Tip: How I make my cupcakes and cakes so moist is that I beat them very well until all lumps are out of the matter. 

6. Now scoop batter into a prepared cupcake pan with papers already in tact. 

7. Bake for about 20-22 minutes or until cake tester comes out clean. 

Tip: Another practice I use to make sure that my cakes and cookies are moist is never cook them to the maximum time that is suggested unless the good is not completely finished. For instance, I hardly ever let my cookies bake completely through. I don't know the science behind it, but they are still cooked thoroughly. 

8. Once the cupcakes are finished. Let cool and ice as necessary. 

Tip: For icing, I use a sandwich bag and place my icing in the bag. At the tip of the bag, cut open a small hole to allow the icing to be squeezed through. This cause less mess. You can use this method if you do not have a professional decorative icing bag. 

Place the sandwich bag inside of a cup to avoid access mess. 

I added green food coloring to go with recipe. There is a Matcha butter cream icing recipe to go along with this recipe if you would like to use that instead ( I will next time. I was tired). 

The icing will come out of the end of bag as you squeeze. You can also make designs if you wish. 

There you have it folks! Green Tea cupcakes!

These treats definitely Tickle My Fancy.

Enjoy!!

For a printed version of the recipe, go to:

http://www.matchasource.com/matcha-cupcakes-s/41.htm

Soulmates. True or False.

Is there a such thing as soulmates or "the one"? Or is it something that society has allowed us to fantasize about in the form of movies and love songs? Is love more simple than what we think and could it be possible that "the one" is who you make it?

I'M ENGAGED!!!

If you are a believer…Imagine yourself, alone, in a room and the only person that is with you is God. There are no job titles, there are no bills, there is no ego, you just are. Now, place your hand directly in front of your face. In this room, that is exactly how close He is to you (fellas, you can think of God as a woman if you want. I’m sure that The Higher Power wouldn’t mind J). He sees through your soul, and He/She doesn’t see the mistakes that you have made, the flaws that you feel you have, or your own perceptions of yourself, He/She only sees you in absolute perfection. You look at Him/Her and you wonder how could He/She loves you so much?; how could He/ She ever see me more than what you see in yourself?; how could you  be beautiful?; or How could He/She ever just love you when you are so screwed up and made so many mistakes? And He/She says, “Because you’re perfect. You are mine. And anything that is of me I must love as I only wish to be loved and more”.  Together you merge into a great source of energy and movement. The light that the two of you create together is more beautiful than anything that man could create itself. You become a light for others that are made up of a myriad of colors and fragrances and you start to change things together. Your mission is the same, your love is the same, your prayer language is the same, and you are the same. You are Him and He is you. This is marriage.

I was motivated to share my own viewpoint of how I view marriage because it seems to be in the air. Two of my closest and dearest friends recently got engaged along with other friends of mine that are getting married this year and I thought about how beautiful marriage truly is. The depiction that I created above is exactly how I see it. No I have never been married and may not be qualified to speak on this subject but I realized that I do not have to be married to know who my God is, and God is love, and love manifests in marriage.

I wasn’t raised with a positive portrayal of marriage. In fact, the relationships that I have seen growing up were not particularly affectionate, loveful, no praying together, barely loving each other or the male seems to place his dominance over his partner. It seemed more like an arrangement than anything. Therefore, marriage was seen as a societal ritual with no real significance. Then, it became something that I started to resent. I started to resent this idea of marriage because I would see women give up who they are and everything ties into their husbands and if he didn’t like it, they didn’t like; if he didn’t want it, they didn’t want it; if he didn’t find a need for it, they didn’t find a need for it and marriage just became this overbearing and annoying idea that only meant that women would leave their lives to join a man’s (i.e. their husbands). And that was not something that I wanted for myself. But somewhere along the way, marriage started to change for me.

When I lost my son, I lost my faith, hope, and all reasons for even breathing. I could not believe that this “god” would allow me to have a perfectly happy and healthy pregnancy and beautiful baby boy only to take it away (I still struggle with that to this day). Everyday was gray for me and I remember literally always walking with my head low. Never cracked a smile and resistant to “god” at the time. After all, He was responsible for my pain. I felt that He used me and everything that I came to believe was a joke. If there was a “god” He most certainly is not who people say He is. Now, I do not feel that way anymore, but I was there for a long time. Then one day I prayed my prayer of anger and things started to change. I started smiling, laughing, and hanging out with my friends again. I found a life. A great life! Then came…Crossroads. When I thought I was in a safe place with life, not fully trusting God, but not too far away from Him either, the messages that I received from Crossroads totally spun me around. I saw God so differently than what I remembered before Shaun (my son) was even thought of. I found that fully accepting God in your life is HARD. He challenges you to rethink EVERYTHING that you thought about life, yourself, and other. AND IT NEVER ENDS. There is always this kneading and shaping of us that He is always doing. So one day, in service (I think), I felt that I was in a room, alone with Him, and I felt a presence that seems so close to my face that I could almost feel the breath on my skin. I broke down. I was in so much anger and happiness and I never felt anything like it in my life.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I’M HERE! ISNT THAT ENOUGH? You hurt me and now you are invading me with you and expect me to come running? You took away my child! You let me down! I don’t want you to surround me. I just want to do enough where I can just be okay.”

This is what was going through my head. And as I held back my tears and started to feel that knot in my throat I caved in and thought

“I need you and I don’t know why. I can’t fight this alone. God I’m in so much pain and nothing is working. Sometimes I pray and I feel that you are not there. And I know that I am so unworthy and so screwed up but I know I need you. I can’t do this fight here on this planet without you. I don’t know if I can truly trust you or if all of this is a lie, but I know what I feel when I call your name. I know what I feel when I am in my darkest moments, and I know that my son’s life was for no purpose. He meant too much to me for it to be. He has shown me true love and has proven that something greater beyond understanding and comprehension must exist. So I submit to you. Have your way.”

If you ever remember a time where you are so upset and angry and someone is trying to hug you and you are trying to push them away but their grip is too strong and you finally give in, that is how I described that moment, in a room with only me and Him. From that point forward I have seen changes in me that never took place before. I seen the true colors of the world and seen people for who they are and not what they are. I have seen things in the eyes of God and to Him I am married to. And when He finally blesses me with a humanistic version of Him (no one will be as perfect) this process will repeat itself.

See, marriage is not merging of assets and liabilities, its not signing a piece of paper; it’s not a business arrangement. To me, it’s the same process that happens when someone decides to let God in. No the man or the wife is not that persons god, but the process of giving oneself to the other and submitting  to one another willingly is marriage as God submits to us! You don’t know what is going to happen on the journey of life together, you don’t know if that person is all who they claim to be, and you don’t know how things will turn out when certain situations arise, but you know that what you have is enough to walk through hell together; and you know that what you have is blessed and is a channel from God that will never go away and is only strengthened through Him.

God, my husband, will never want me to be deliberately unhappy, not have any friends, and not have a good time, not see the world, or anything like that. So why would that be acceptable by a human husband? He would want me to be successful, follow my dreams, and change the world if I wanted to, as long as He was apart of it and went on that journey with me. I realize that, you can still have fun and a life while being married at the same time. But in that macro scheme of things, marriage is the union of two people becoming one to fulfill God’s purpose. How could I marry someone whose individual purpose does not have God in it? Marriage is a relationship, not a platform where one places their dominance over the other. I will treat my husband as the “Head of the Household” because I will trust him and believe him. And if whom I choose to marry values me and God the same way I do, then he will see me as his “Head” also. So there is this involuntary equilibrium that forms naturally, I think.

My journey with God may not be what most couples go through or as dramatic, but it is still a journey. When you think of relationships that you have been through they are all a journey that has shaped and molded you in someway. If that relationship did not result in marriage, then maybe you were in the wrong shape. But I see it as something that is beyond beautiful and life changing. For those of us who have not gotten this far, I hope that you experience a journey that will alter your version of love so that you may have it the way God intended for it to be. But it starts with a journey with Him/Her  J.  Congrats Kim and Ryane!