Damn Girl Your Fine!

So, I woke up one morning and proceeded with my morning regimen: go to the restroom, put my shower cap on, take my shower, watch Chakra (my dog) lick my feet, dry off, wash my face, brush my teeth, sit on my balancing ball in my walk in closet and stare at my clothes trying to determine what to wear for the day while rubbing Jergens Cherry-Almond lotion on my arms, pick out my clothes, put them on, yell at Charka for bothering Baby (my other dog), and  yadda yadda yadda. Except on this very morning that I am referring to, I had such a disgusting thought that even typing it out makes me angry, I stared at myself in the mirror, gut hanging, cottage cheese thighs showing, dark spots on my face exposed, uneven and some dirty fingernails, flabby arms hanging, my neck is unusually darker than the rest of my body (happened with the baby), one ankle fatter than the other (I have lymphedema in my left ankle. No its nothing bad), toe nail polish half chipped away, facial hair trying to break through, dimples in areas that I didn’t know existed, stretchmark’s the size of railroad tracks and as I am noticing more flaws on my body than positive traits on my own personality, I thought, “What man would ever want this”? AM I LOSING MY MIND OR WHAT?!! I acted as if the reflection in the mirror was someone else and took great offense to to what they were showing me. “Who does she think she is?” I thought. But as I settled back down to my normal self, the one typing this blog, I realized that there is some truth in what my reflection was communicating to me.

The other day, I started “Googling”  women who we all define as beautiful such as Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez,  Zoe Saldana, Natalie Portman, Sophia Vergara, Selita Ebanks, and several others and remembered that reflection that I saw in the mirror and became somewhat disgusted with myself again. And again, I snapped out if it and thought that those women are all lies that most women have adopted as the standard of beauty. But the one most mind boggling idea that drove me nuts is that we conform to these ideas and place them on ourselves to please a man or try to catch a man. Think about it. If you feel that you are not skinny enough, your stomach is not flat enough, your ass is too big (mine isn’t big enough), your hips are too flabby, your skin is to blotchy, your hair is too thin and not long enough, or whatever, where does that standard of beauty come from? Where in this life did we apply a manmade thought of beauty as our identity? Watch this clip from one of my favorite movies, Eat, Pray, Love. She sums it up very well.

I am a single woman. I have been single for almost a year now. And there is a problem when I start dressing up to go to the grocery store because “the one”, which I don’t even know if I believe in, may be there. Or I have to always be groomed to perfection because I never know who I might run into. And the crazy thing is, MOST MEN DON’T EVEN GIVE A CRAP. They don’t care what they look like or are wearing. They don't even care what we look like underneath our clothes as long as they are getting what is underneath our clothes. So why do we ,women, apply the pressure to ourselves? I have a friend who never goes anywhere without wearing earrings and lipstick. Why? I use to know a woman who would wear earrings and do her hair before she goes the gym. Really? And I knew another person who had to have matching workout outfits and also be physically well presented before taking a run. For what?  They do all of these things, sure to look good for themselves, but also because they never knew what man they were going to meet. Think about the tortuous beauty rituals that we put ourselves through because "we might meet our husbands”, which I am guilty of stating. But I think that women have become so desensitized to this Eurocentric ideal of beauty and have become so entrenched that we are unable to be genuine with ourselves and others. 

In the very first blog that I wrote, my main message spoke to how perceptions of how we think things are suppose to be or our perceptions of others gets in the way of seeing that person and things for who and what they really are. Our image of beauty is no exception. We have all had our lists of physical characteristics that we look for in a mate. I know I have. Now think about where those preferences came from. No matter where they've come from, that relationship is already less than genuine because you can't see past your own personal standards or idealistic views of beauty. And perception of beauty individually also disallows you to see the true beauty that God has created in you (I really need to follow my own advice). If you are a believer, imagine if God had His own standards that He'd abide by and if you did not automatically meet those standards, then you were automatically dismissed. Don't get me wrong I know that there are some do's and don'ts that God shapes us by but it doesn't mean that you have to already be there to earn his love and acceptance. That is why He grants us grace and mercy. If your image of God is this "matter of fact", cut throat, do these steps so that I can accept you type of supernatural being, then that relationship is not genuine. So friends, wipe away the perceptions and try to see the person as God's creation. You just might find beauty in it. Not how flat your stomach is, how much you weigh, how clear your skin is, how flabby your arms are, or anything else in your physical appearance determines your beauty, but who you are, definitely "Tickles My Fancy".